As Jackson walked around this morning in my mukluks sans clothes, belting out a tune without a shred of insecurity or inhibition (he posed for a frontal shot, but we'll keep that in the family!), I felt a twinge of jealousy quickly followed by an intense desire to shield him from all the ways the world will try to rob him of this.
We're born with a free streak, an innate brazenness that slowly slips away from us as we grow up in a culture that values conformity and teaches competition, comparison, and ultimately condemnation for things outside the box collectively labeled "acceptable."
Now, not being nudists, we've been modeling for Jackson the appropriate time and place for brazenness of this nature (which I'm sure will all go out the window when he gets to college), but I want to be careful to never taint him with feelings of shame or insecurity - about his body or his being.
He may always be "different" by common standards - the things he enjoys, the environments he feels comfortable in, the way he communicates and relates to people, and the way he responds to things - and I want him to be free to continue seeing that for what it is, simply his individuality and the beautifully unique way God created him to be. (I also want him to be free to see it as fluid and adaptable, but more on that soon)
My deepest desire is to see him embrace who he is at his core and find strength in that so that the insecurity and shame other people try to pass on to him will just slip past, unimportant or even unnoticed.
In parenthood, I've become very "different," (I probably always was, but in parenthood I could no longer fight it!) and learning to embrace that has been a very freeing experience. I may never get my original free streak back, but with practice I'm at least moving in that direction.
Good to know that I'm not the only one that let's their children frolic while they're wearing only a smile (and/or mukluks in Jackson's case).
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