Sunday, March 6, 2011

Day 63: Me, Me, Me!

As I browsed through my previous posts, a little twinge of self-consciousness arose. I realized how much of my posting had been about...*gulp*

I'm not a spotlight seeker, just the opposite actually, and my default version of modesty probably teeters on self-deprecation or at the very least underestimating myself. So how did I end up filling my blog with me, me, me?

Simple. It's me, me, me, who needs to change.

This project isn't about my children. It's for them, but not about them. My parenting challenges don't arise out of their behavior or their choices, these challenges are mine and mine alone. And because of that, the solutions also don't lie with them, but with me.

Self-examination is the first step toward change; if you don't know what's broken you can't fix it. I wasted too much of my life not paying attention to what was broken, and I've watched as people I love have sacrificed their talents, opportunities, relationships, and even their own joy and peace rather than open their eyes to who they really are and the effect they have on their world.

I don't intend to keep participating in this exercise in ignorance.

I'm only a few skips down my yellow brick road of healing, but already I'm feeling a sense of freedom I've never experienced. I look forward with anticipation to the lifetime of learning ahead of me.

It's not comfortable or easy, sometimes it's even painful to be honest with myself. But if I'm not honest with me, I'm not capable of being honest or open with the people I love. So I'm choosing to brave the ugly truth, in public no less, because the lie is even uglier and will rob me and my family of so much.

Those of you helping me see more clearly may not even know who you are, but I owe you a lifetime of gratitude, as do my husband and children.

I'm confident that I don't own the rights to control issues, a hot temper, a dark outlook or fear of vulnerability, so I'm also confident that processing me may help you process you. If that wasn't the case, my mom would be the only one reading about me, me, me! (Love you, Mom)

Beyond my own growth, I hope the value of writing about me extends to you becoming a better you too.

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