Monday, January 17, 2011

Day 15: You Can Lead a Baby to a Cozy Bed...

I will choose to find a positive perspective under even the most negative circumstances.
I will choose acceptance over resistance.
I will choose to focus on the things I value about my children, not the things that drive me nuts.
I will choose to extend the same grace, love and forgiveness to myself that I try to lavish on my husband and children each day.
...but you definitely can't make him sleep! 

Maxwell's poo strikes again. Usually I can get Max to sleep just before I put Jackson down for his nap. It provides me with 30-90 minutes of uninterrupted time, which, as my fellow stay/work at home moms know, equates to about 6 hours of kid-present time in terms of getting things done. And today the list of "have-to's" is long, so what better day to struggle with naps! 

After a couple potty opportunities, he wouldn't fall asleep while I was reading. He wouldn't fall asleep nursing on the bed. He wouldn't fall asleep with a pacifier. Are we seeing a trend? His eyelids were heavy and he clearly wanted to, but he couldn't fall asleep. It was interrupting my usual one-on-one time with Jackson, stirring up those it-will-be-like-this-forever feelings, and just downright annoying me. I never stopped to think about how frustrating it must be for him.

I finally just let him fuss for a few minutes so I could finish getting Jackson down. (Don't worry, he was just complaining, not crying; it's more like he's reprimanding me than anything - won't that be fun as he gets older!) We tried the potty again to no avail, and we tried to sleep again, also to no avail. The more I tried to make things the way I wanted them to be instead of the way they were, the more frustrated I got. So I quit! 

I let it go and accepted "what is." I got him up and he played on the floor next to me while I worked. I got all sorts of smiles and giggles, and I got to watch him try out all his new spinning, scooting, grabbing, and push-up skills. It actually made my day. And lo and behold, after 40 minutes of playing, he was ready to poo...and sleep! Boy did this all feel better than resistance.

I'd love to say that this is where the story moved on to me getting loads of work done. But, without exaggeration, the moment Max fell asleep, Jackson woke up crying (something I suspect will continue to happen as the candida die-off makes things worse before they get better). I stood and whispered, "No. No. No! This can't be." And I had to take a full minute to get myself to a place where I could walk into his room without resentment - thinking about him and his needs, rather that me and my list. 

I've never before been successful at getting him back down once he's awake, but today we nursed, cuddled and compromised on letting him "rest" with a pillow and blanket on the rocking chair. Over an hour later and he's still asleep!  

I know all of us are exhausted and on-edge from the anti-candida process, and I'm proud of myself and them for finding ways to make it manageable today. I'm looking forward to the near-future when my no longer refluxy, gassy, and fatigued children can sleep the way we all want them to. Law of Attraction, right?

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