tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-181446807575097193.post2021521161954716007..comments2023-03-27T04:25:39.453-07:00Comments on The Positive Parenting Challenge: Day 28: Husband...What Husband?Meredithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16332544075938121114noreply@blogger.comBlogger2125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-181446807575097193.post-30509185439949223932011-02-08T14:07:02.830-08:002011-02-08T14:07:02.830-08:00I appreciate your experienced input! As each child...I appreciate your experienced input! As each child is different, I think each husband and wife is different too. I find that I'm not capable (haven't learned yet?) of focusing on my husband and the needs of our marriage or anything non-child related with a child present. Dates with babies don't leave either of us feeling more connected, probably because of this. It's something I'm working on, but in the meantime I see that our children are capable of an occasional few hours away with loving grandparents without damaging the attachment we're creating. Family dates sound fun! I better keep working on my end of it :)Meredithhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16332544075938121114noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-181446807575097193.post-51447135618839508652011-02-02T03:28:11.162-08:002011-02-02T03:28:11.162-08:00So, I've been trying to read your blog in orde...So, I've been trying to read your blog in order, but skipped ahead to this one because of it being linked on facebook. <br />The idea of putting our marriage first has been one I have struggled with since having children, and my ideas have evolved over time and with different children and different circumstances. Here is where I'm at now :) <br /><br />The biggest thing I now try to keep in mind - when we were dating we connected while doing things together and we enjoyed talking even if the time we could do so was limited. Then the things we were doing together were recreational, that has changed. Now we are still blessed with the opportunity to do things together, it just can be harder to see it. What we do together now is mostly parenting. Our recreation comes as a family, but it is still time spent together, if we choose to see it as such. Our time spent alone together is often limited now to brief encounters, but that makes us notice and take advantage of them more. <br />Date nights can be nice, but they are not necessary, and not worth upsetting a child with. Eventually, and sooner with some children than others, all children will be happy even when their parents leave. I learned how much personality effects this with my first two. Johnathan was ready to be left alone without one his significant caregivers before Kathrine was - not just at a younger age - really before she was. There are a lot of reasons I think played into this, but the largest one was personality. <br />I have come to recognize that if I choose to be what my child is most attached to, and if I discourage their dependence on security articles such as "blankies" or "lovies," then I need to be there when they need security. It doesn't take long (only a few years) for them to learn they can get that security from other people as well. And isn't that a lesson worth learning. <br />So, we take babies on dates with us, and then once they are no longer happy to sit in our laps as we talk, we have family dates for a year or two or three, and eventually we realize that its amazing how much they've grown, and yep, we're still here and those stolen minutes in the middle of the night, or the afternoon, and that communication - even when mostly by phone, e-mail, or text message - has been enough - and our kids are connected, not just to me - to both of us. <br /><br />And now I'd really like to go back and proof read this - but kids are waking, and the baby in lap giving me the excuse to stay here is probably ready to lay back down. So I am sorry if this makes no sense or is disjointed. :) <br /><br />-kAnonymousnoreply@blogger.com